||[May. 24th, 2012|03:55 pm]
At the moment, I'm going through major stress to decide whether or not to apply for teaching this year, or leave it until next year. The applications are in for the end of June, so I don't have long to decide.
When I was first thinking about applying, I thought that, by the time September rolled around, I'd have had enough time to adjust to the hormones that I could start a course easily. By the time I'd see children for the first time, I'd be even more adjusted, and that this was a timetable I could easily do.
The problem is that I need to get some experience now, and this blind-sided me for several reasons. Firstly, because I don't feel ready right now to do any teaching. I'd be barely emotionally more mature than many of the kids I'd be teaching, so, um, it would be nice to wait a little. Secondly, because the stress of getting myself ready for a June placement is slowly killing me since it's way too fast. Thirdly, because I have no idea why the intuitive side of my brain knows why it would be ready in a few months time, and why it's absolutely certain I'd be able to deal with children really well based on what seems to be no evidence whatsoever. Intuitive reasoning is usually experienced based, and I've been racking my brains for the reasons why my brain knows it'll be fine, given enough time, and failing. It also makes me feel like a complete nut-job when I try to describe why.
All of this has tempted me to wait until next year. If I need experience, I can slowly get it, and train to be a teaching assistant. It'll also give me some time to explore all the weird intuitive feelings I have towards things I've never done. I also like to do transitioning stuff in a state of emotional equilibrium at all times, and I can't apply this year in equilibrium without going through a bit of hell and stress, which is not how I want to start my career.
I assume that you're getting decent advice through the PremierPlus service, but I'm slightly confused about your timelines. As far as I know most primary courses at the best universities are now full - many of them fill up by December. So while the UCAS-style process is open until the end of June, you would get a wider set of choices, including better-quality universities, if you waited until next year. If you're now settled on secondary it's less of an issue.
Also, it's worth considering the new Physics with Maths PGCE as well as the Physics PGCE, depending on whether you'd rather teach maths or chemistry/biology.
Let me know if these comments are unhelpful - I realise that having someone weighing in with random information may not be useful.
Physics is the "shortage subject of shortage subjects" as I am consistently being told, so pretty much all the courses are still open, and will probably be open after everything has closed. My first and second choices in London are still available for secondary school.
I've looked at the Physics with maths option. I was more interested in it, but I didn't know that if I did that, I'd be giving up any ability to teach biology/chemistry. I think I'd prefer those more. Not that I've had time to actually check these things out.
The PremierPlus service is very good, but it expects certain answers, like the fact that I will teach physics this year at secondary school. *sigh* I feel its more of a problem than a help at this stage, because while I've been open to that possibility, I'm not sure that this the only possibility I want to consider, but it's been made clear that all the help is conditional on limiting my possibilities.
I honestly don't know about advice. Your first lot of advice was useless, but this has been helpful, if only to allow me to talk about certain things. I always welcome advice from people who've done something I would like to do, but equally, I don't trust you.
In case I wasn't clear in my other comment, I expected Physics courses to be open, but not Primary courses. Once you have Qualified Teacher Status, you can teach any subject/age group you can get hired for - it's just that the PGCE will focus on teaching you about the subjects in the course title, and your will have to spend a percentage (I think 50%) of your teaching placement time on these subjects.
Since you don't trust me, would it help if I referenced my comments to verifiable webpages? TBH, I don't think I'm telling you anything that isn't public domain, so you could find all this out yourself if you put the time in - this may not be the best value for either of our time if there's no trust from you.
Yes, this isn't a good use of both of our time. What I need most is not advice, since I'm very good at conducting research, but the personal connection. I need to be able to discuss how it felt to others to be a teacher, how I feel about it and talk out how my trans issues would affect this. You're clearly not going to offer this, so there's not much point to it all.
I do appreciate that you tried to offer any advice at all, especially after I was not nice to you. That was lovely. It's just it's completely the wrong kind of support, and I'm not in the mood to pretend that it's OK and I appreciate it. It's depressing, because you always seem to offer me the wrong kind of support, even after knowing me for years.
What would you like to do? I didn't tell you about my lack of trust to be nasty, but to be honest and you seem to have responded to that. I'd find your experience of teaching useful. What next?