When I was first thinking about applying, I thought that, by the time September rolled around, I'd have had enough time to adjust to the hormones that I could start a course easily. By the time I'd see children for the first time, I'd be even more adjusted, and that this was a timetable I could easily do.
The problem is that I need to get some experience now, and this blind-sided me for several reasons. Firstly, because I don't feel ready right now to do any teaching. I'd be barely emotionally more mature than many of the kids I'd be teaching, so, um, it would be nice to wait a little. Secondly, because the stress of getting myself ready for a June placement is slowly killing me since it's way too fast. Thirdly, because I have no idea why the intuitive side of my brain knows why it would be ready in a few months time, and why it's absolutely certain I'd be able to deal with children really well based on what seems to be no evidence whatsoever. Intuitive reasoning is usually experienced based, and I've been racking my brains for the reasons why my brain knows it'll be fine, given enough time, and failing. It also makes me feel like a complete nut-job when I try to describe why.
All of this has tempted me to wait until next year. If I need experience, I can slowly get it, and train to be a teaching assistant. It'll also give me some time to explore all the weird intuitive feelings I have towards things I've never done. I also like to do transitioning stuff in a state of emotional equilibrium at all times, and I can't apply this year in equilibrium without going through a bit of hell and stress, which is not how I want to start my career.