||[Jun. 12th, 2012|08:43 pm]
Yesterday I had the next injection, which has solved the testosterone problem. This is pretty good because I am feeling much, much happier. It also stopped all the prickly-pain in my hips/bum/chest that was making sitting/sleeping so painful.
I'm not so happy with how utterly helpless the whole thing made me feel. I needed some help, but no one seemed to get just how unhappy the whole thing made me and I didn't know how to ask. It's like I took down several things inside my head in order to cope with having the testosterone go down in my system, and that made me completely defenceless when it went back up. In the meantime, various people, like my parents all assumed that, because I could cope in the past with much worse, I'd cope OK now for a few days no problem.
All of that leaves me with the nervous exhaustion to deal with. Hopefully, that should clear up on its own, if I can cry, which I'm just about starting to do. Today, my mum managed to reduce me into tears about where I could hang my washing. I wanted to hang it inside, because the weather's unsettled and I've run out of underwear completely and needed something dry by tomorrow, while my mother wanted nothing in the house.
This argument has also followed lots of other ones about the state of the house. I wanted a break from cooking, cleaning and all that kind of stuff while my parents were away. I can't really afford to do holidays, and it's the closest thing I get to a holiday, in which a change is as good as a rest. Add in just how depressed I was feeling, and I thought it would be OK.
Instead, my mother is turning it into a great drama, making it out that I'm some kind of slob and that I like living in mess and ruin. She ignores all the cleaning and cooking I did before and completely ignores just how much the house is a mess just because she started the bathroom. Now she treats me as is I wouldn't do anything without her bullying me into it. The more she bullies me, the more stubbornly I don't do something I would quite like to do.