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Slow and steady improvement - Ddk's Journal [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
synergetic

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Slow and steady improvement [Feb. 20th, 2016|11:17 pm]
synergetic
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Life has been a bit of a mixed bag this week.

I heard back from Tesco and they said, well, not no, but they didn't say yes either. They told me I lacked confidence and that, although I possessed the technical skills they needed, they wouldn't take me on that reason. But, they told me, fix that, and everything would be fine.

This was nearer the beginning of the week and, well, I got angry, I cried and, well, to cut a long story short, after I cried in a quiet corner at work at the unfairness of life, the universe and everything, I got a bit angry and then promptly proceeded to get focused so that, by the time things had died down, I went through masses of work and dramatically bolstered a flagging team.

The next day, as a result of my labours the night before, the next queue in the admin process was dramatically overloaded, so I started working on that, and doing OK. They then asked me to come in during the day for the last two days of the week, which was awesome. Working during the day is so much better than working in the evenings.

I'm still due to work in the days, although I'm not sure if this is permanent. It marks a huge improvement. Also, they have me doing things that involve things other than loading, the data entry process they hired me for initially, which is a boon to my poor brain, which has been deprived of sufficient stimulation.

It also sounds like I heard back from a PhD placement I enquired about and, that also seems to be a positive thing, I think, but I've missed the deadline for this year by a week or so. Not a terrible tragedy and, probably, a blessing in disguise. I need to follow it up properly, but I think it means that, should everything else fail, I could do another PhD. This is valuable to know and is good as a back-up plan.

Added to that, the gentle level of work I've been doing seems to have had a generally bolstering effect on my health. I seem to be brighter, I'm not as tired all the time and things are much better. There's still a long way to go, but things are better and, when they keep me in the daytime, I don't feel so depressed. I even have evening which, as my stamina improves, I can use to enjoy.

Clouds on the horizon at the moment include that the current extra responsibilities at work mean that I can kill someone and I'm vastly more responsible than I was. I'm at the end of a chain and instead of my work being checked by others, I'm doing that checking. It's terrifying and stressful. There is no training and if I make a mistake, it all gets escalated quickly.

Also, my parents returned last week and, well, things are always more difficult with them around. I'd like to move out, but my salary won't let me. I'd like to give my mother some rent, so I can feel a bit more entitled to the house's resources, but my mother said no.
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