|That was a complete surprise
||[Apr. 19th, 2016|12:03 am]
I do not really know what's happening with me at the moment. Life has gotten... complicated, in a way I don't really understand.
One of the things that pretty much hit me out of the blue is that there's been this lovely person I've been doing lots of kink with for a while. It's been something pretty gentle and wonderful to go back to again and again. I managed to learn a lot about my body and how it works in its new configuration, while having some level of comfort and control over the whole process.
Somehow, in no way I can identify, the whole thing started going into proper relationship territory and, well, yesterday, I ended up ending it. I had to because, well, I got to know the person and, grrr, incompatible gender identities. Which sucks. A lot. I have been crying. A lot. Yeah, go me.
Somehow, this person just completely snuck under my skin and I didn't notice. I'm so hard and cynical on the outside, but I totally let this person get past all of that. I didn't even think to stop them. Or that it meant anything.
The whole thing has dredged up feelings and memories I have not had for a while. Certainly I've not thought I was even capable of. It was lovely having someone in my life, to talk to, cuddle up to when I needed it. Also for other things.